Just keep swimming.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend got the news that his younger cousin had committed suicide.She was 21 years old, beautiful, talented, and loved.
And I witnessed the pinnacle of suffering: her family devastated, mourning a life that would never fully blossom, asking each other "Why? She was so young. She could have been a model. I just don't understand." The viewing tore through me, not just because the man I love and his family was suffering, but because I understood her suffering as well without ever meeting her once. I wondered how long she had suffered and what must have happened to push her so far.

~

Recently, I saw the movie "Finding Dory" *SPOILER ALERT* and loved it in its entirety. However, one scene hit me hard: When Dory receives the news that her parents are 'gone', and she thinks that they died, Dory goes into a panicked state and her vision, thoughts, and comprehension blurs. And then she finds herself alone, talking to herself and trying to console herself.
She's in the open ocean and sees kelp, which she knows is a safer place to be. "Okay. Kelp is better. Let's go there." She goes to the kelp.
"Oh, look. Sand. I like sand." She swims down and touches the squishy sand, while her thoughts are a million miles away.
It's then that she sees a shell on the ocean floor and says, "Shells. I like shells." She remembers the role that shells played with her parents, and begins to follow a trail of them.
Then she notices that there's a LOT of them. Several trails of shells.
They lead her to her parents.

My point is: When all hope feels lost,
when you can see no way out,
when you feel like your life is over and needs to end,
ground yourself.
Find something you enjoy.
Find something that once made you smile.
Look at notes, photos, cards.
Take baby steps: Take a shower, or get a cup of coffee. Have some chocolate. Wash the tears off of your face.
Keep it simple.
Count to ten first if you have to. Take a few deep breaths first if you have to.  
Hug your animals. Open the window to let the breeze in.
If you can, find the courage within yourself to call a friend.
Ground yourself, like Dory did. 
Do something, anything, to keep yourself alive. To keep yourself distracted. To keep yourself here.

Because while I cannot tell you that your pain will go away,
I can tell you that the sun will rise again.
I will tell you that sometimes a new day brings new opportunities. It even sometimes brings happiness, smiles, laughter. But you'll never know if you don't wake up to see it for yourself.
I know how you feel. I know what it's like to want it all to end. I know what it's like to stand on the ledge and not care about the outcome.
But I also know what it's like to wake up the next day and slowly, grudgingly, continue on with life.
Take Dory's advice. Find something to cling to, to keep yourself afloat until you can get help.
And above all....Just keep swimming.